Standing Over By The Record Machine: Hey, who says Xmas music has to suck?!

As we land on eggnog and tamale season, let’s round-up the most rockin’ holiday tunes of the year from The Krayolas, The Riverboat Gamblers, and Tav Falco.

Yep, gratuitous still from the greatest Xmas film of all-time.

I sure know a lotta Ebeneezers. Every year, I gotta hear a lotta “bah, humbugging” from cranky ol’ punk rock vets and others, about how they hate the holidays. They must have gotten lumps of coal filling their stockings every year.

How can ANYONE hate Xmas (birthdate of noted messiah, Jesus X.)?! It really is the most magical time of year! Tamales and eggnog on Christmas Eve, all kindsa cool loot from Santa under the tree in the morning followed by bunuelos, then Granny makes a turkey dinner with all the trimmings, including the can of jellied cranberry sauce that I think only the adults truly liked. (And I’m not sure about them, either.) Plus the coolest TV shows this side of Batman and Star Trek! And they were only shown this time of year! C’mon! You know you LOVE Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer and A Charlie Brown Christmas!

But if there’s one aspect of the holidays that just absolutely sucks, it’s the music. For the most part. Especially if my mother was the DJ. I mean, is there a bigger fucking audio Sominex tablet than the Norman Luboff Chorale?!! Snoozerama, baby!

‘Twasn’t ‘til I became a teenage rock ‘n’ roll record collector that I learned to appreciate the finer side of Xmas music – the rockin’ side. Who needs “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen,” when you’ve got Chuck Berry duckwalking through “Run Rudolph Run?” Or Elvis’ “Blue Christmas?” The Ramones’ “Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want to Fight Tonight)?” The Ventures’ Christmas Album, where every carol essentially becomes “Walk Don’t Run?” The mad genius that is A Christmas Gift To You From Phil Spector, complete with the most achingly desperate holiday plea that is “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home),” featuring the golden pipes of Ms. Darlene Love? Why ever subject yourself again to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, when you have so many musical riches to get you through the holidays every year?

I know this is Christmas Eve, so there’s a chance your local Disk-O-Mat’s holiday shelves are bled dry at this very moment. But maybe not? Or you can just go to your favorite streaming service and deposit a few pennies in the bank accounts of these very worthy artists. 

The Krayolas - I Wanna Be Your Santa digital EP (Box Records)

The Krayolas, centered around brothers Hector and David Saldaña, have been tooling around San Antonio since 1975, plying their garage-tastic power pop that’s gained some Tex Mex touches over time. They began a tradition of releasing holiday singles a few years back, including last year’s very Sir Douglas Quintet-esque “Tex Mex Rudolph,” featuring the immaculately wheezing Vox organ wizardry of Augie Meyers himself. That gets a reprise this year, alongside past Xmas highlights, including some vocal-only remixes. But the EP’s centerpiece is the ultracrunchy title track, a yuletacular rewrite of the Ramones’ old headbanging poptone “I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend,” retrofit with a Beach Boys vocal breakdown. Throw this on at your seasonal parties, and watch the dancefloor fill with madly bouncing bodies.

The Riverboat Gamblers - “Father Christmas” b/w Shel Talmy Mono Mix 45 (Wicked Opossum Records)

In November 1977, The Kinks released an Xmas single, “Father Christmas.” Set to rampaging Dave Davies guitars that underline the band’s status as one of punk’s 9,998,962 forefathers, brother Ray’s lyric recounts street hostilities visited upon a department store Santa by impoverished children, demanding money and jobs for their parents: “Have yourself a Merry, Merry Christmas/Have yourself a good time/But remember the kids who got nothing/While you’re drinking down your wine.” Leave it to Austin’s greatest punk band, The Riverboat Gamblers, to completely reinvigorate this chestnut (roasting on an open fire) in an absolutely faithful take, down to Mike Wiebe copping Ray Davies’ accent. But the genius move was getting original ‘60s Kinks producer Shel Talmy to remix it…in mono!!! And it’s as loud, thick and distorted as “You Really Got Me” or any of those other ‘64-’66 fuzzbox killers.

Tav Falco – A Tav Falco Christmas (Org Music)

A Black Friday Record Store Day Exclusive from 2017 that only surfaced in my promo pile fairly recently, this seasonal solo gem from the erstwhile Panther Burns leader should see an annual re-release. Considering Tav Falco and crew were the bridge between Sun Records and Teenage Jesus & The Jerks back in the day, reinvigorating the spirit of Memphis roots music with punk irreverence and energy and No Wave atonality, it stands to reason much of this resembles Elvis’ Christmas Album played at 16 RPM through a dimed Silvertone Twin Twelve. Much of the ‘57 Presley set’s playlist – “Santa Claus Is Back In Town,” “White Christmas,” and a “Blue Christmas” so mournful it should be played at Kris Kringle’s funeral – gets reprised, albeit with a layer of gore and slime which might have baffled The King. Still, the record’s entirety is imbued with a sincerity that’s infectious enough to carry it to the finish line, even when Falco’s punk rock spirit renders certain songs in so lugubrious a fashion, you’d be forgiven for mistaking this for a Halloween record. Conversely, the guilelessness threatens standards like “Jingle Bell Rock,” “Holly Jolly Christmas” and “Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer” with a near-karaoke attack. The all-star sidemen, including Mike Watt on bass and drummer Toby Dammit,  rock these tunes expertly. High point: The suitably wacky “Soulful Christmas,” full of fractured funk and Falco wigging out in an overdriven echo chamber. 

The Austin Punk Chronicles Chapter Six, Part One up now at The Austin Chronicle

Ken Hoge’s very capable lens captures The Next in full cry, the great Ty Gavin at the mic.

My Austin punk history, eventually to become a book, continues its serialization at my major long term employer this week and the following, unfolding more of the events of 1978’s first half. Nowhere else can you get Big Boys bassist Chris Gates describing his first trip to Raul’s: “‘Then The Next came on, and they were just mesmerizing. They had a cardboard box on the stage with a sign saying they were taking donations of drugs and money for their trip to the West Coast! They felt dangerous – Lee Shupe with eyeliner, looking like Mick Jagger with a meth problem.’

“Gates could relate The Next's vibe to that of The Stooges' 1970 album, Fun House, which he'd bought at age 11. He'd never been able to connect any music or performers to Iggy Pop and crew's dark, droning proto-punk – all fuzz and feedback and funereal funk, like the Rolling Stones in hell – until now. And he liked it.

"’The Next opened the door for me. They were impressive. That night I said, 'I don't know what the fuck's going on here, but I wanna be a part of it.'"

Also: Dallas’ The Nervebreakers win a local punk battle of the bands (and piss off all the Austin bands), and The Skunks make a record.  All available for those who click right here.

Merry Xmas, Everyone!

Thanks to you, dear reader, for helping make The Tim “Napalm” Stegall Substack such a success. Honestly, your support has been more than encouraging. I love my readers, and pledge to continue giving you the quality punk ‘n’ roll journalism you knew to expect when this publication launched the last week in July. All we’ve done is grow since, and I couldn’t have done it without you. The year’s seen its challenges and its rewards, and you’ve made it all worthwhile. Thank you, and a Merry Xmas to you all.

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