Night of The Unliving Dead Boys: Sorry, but ChatGPT can't ever replace Stiv Bators!

AI is a tool for creatives, not the robot masters taking over the damned studio!

The legendary Dead Boys, 1977: (l-r) Jimmy Zero, Johnny Blitz, Stiv Baiters, Chester Cheetah, and Jeff “Biscuit” McSnorkel…GODDAMNIT, ChatGPT! GET YOUR SHIT STRAIGHT! (Pic: Sire Records)

NOTE: I had the perfect intro ready to go, I really did. But some record company lost its sense of humor, and now I have to start the whole fershlugginer thing over!

Anyway, some wag decided to parody the catalyst for today’s post—the Cleopatra Records /AI/Stiv Bators debacle that punk online circles have been obsessing over all last week—with a deliberately bad, AI-generated fake Dead Boys song, “2 Bit Machine Song.” It was placed on YouTube as a reel, purporting to be an official Cleopatra release. You can see the result a few hours later, in the link below:

Man, these people keep writing my material for me, I swear….

Well, for our intents and purposes (and because I’m too fucking lazy to tear this up and begin again), let’s pretend the video is still up, and you can hear for yourself just how perfectly, hilariously bad/great “2 Bit Machine Song” was. For now, just take my word for it.

Pretty funny, huh? And gross, simultaneously. It’s like seeing your favorite band’s name on a cheap knockoff t-shirt at a gas station. Or every bit of KISS merchandise, ever.

If you’re wondering what the fuck this is, it’s someone’s vicious parody of the latest kerfluffle gripping internet punk rock circles. Jake Hout—-who stepped into the late Stiv Bators’ moldering high-tops in a revival of Dead Boys that guitarist Cheetah Chrome’s had going for a few years now—-abruptly quit last weekend, announcing that Cleopatra Records contracted the band to record a new album. Which would have been fine and good, but for two aspects:

1. None of the touring Dead Boys would be on the record save for Cheetah, with Friend Of The ‘Stack Glen Matlock and Blondie’s Clem Burke serving as session bass and drum Dead Boys.

2. Hout would be on the record…as a guide vocalist for an AI-generated Bators!

Cleopatra’s press release in answer was a master class in obfuscation. It subtly confirmed Hout’s claims, stating this new “Dead Boys” release would be “artfully ‘dusted’ with Stiv’s iconic presence, ensuring the new material retains the raw, visceral energy that defined the Dead Boys’ sound.”

Goddamn, what a shitshow.

Hout has every reason to be bitter. “There’s a massive irony here,” he wrote in his Instagram announcement of his departure. “I actually sympathize w/the ‘no Stiv no Dead Boys’ crowd. -I get it! I always have! But, for me personally, A.I. is the bridge too far. I always tried to do right by Stiv and bring his music to life with heart and blood and passion and spirit. A.I. ain’t got none o’ that stuff.”

Cheetah and the band fired back, claiming “fans were unwilling to embrace him as a replacement for the late, great Stiv Bators.” Yet the Dead Boys were perfectly willing to tour with him for many years, despite those protests. They also seem to not have any comprehension of why Jake would be offended at being replaced with A.I. Stiv, while also claiming that was not what was happening.

So “2 Bit Machine Song” was a logical and hilarious rejoinder to this whole sorry episode. It was very obviously entirely generated by AI, down to substandard lyrical references to Dead Boys classics, “sung” by a Bators imitation that’s a little off. It sounded like some Hollywood studio head hiring session musicians and a hack songwriter to “give us something like the Dead Boys” when they couldn’t license the real thing for some B-movie. But even worse.

Obviously, Cleopatra’s overall move was the perfect storm of corporate greed and AI gimmickry. But this should be tangible reassurance to everyone who’s been donning sackcloth and ashes since AI first revealed itself a few years ago. This isn’t “I, Robot,” folks. The robot masters are not enslaving the human race, here. AI cannot replace old-fashioned human creativity, because it does not have that intangible quality us meat machines have: heart.

Yet, some heartless fools—basically, capitalist assholes—believe they can replace human-generated content with AI-manufactured work, all in the name of saving some bucks. You can always tell it when you see it: The language is stilted, certain terms like “gritty” might get used repeatedly, and the tone looks like Mr. Spock wrote it. Except Spock wouldn’t make so many factual errors in the first place! And to think, friends have lost jobs to this cheap, inauthentic “writing!” A news item even appeared this past week about a new AI-fueled book startup, Spines, from a gang of tech bros looking to “disrupt” the publishing field by dropping 8,000 new books next year. And hey—you, too, can get published by Spines, if you pay them $1,200 to $5,000!

AI is a tool—nothing more. It’s meant to enhance creativity, not replace it. Think about director Peter Jackson’s use of AI in the production of his documentary The Beatles: Get Back, as well as the restoration of Michael Lindsay-Hogg’s 1970 Let It Be film itself. Jackson and his team employed AI to clean up and remaster the audio, separating vocals from instruments, cleaning up background noise, and enhancing the overall sound quality. It allowed them to present a much clearer, richer version of the Beatles' raw studio recordings without altering the original performances or spirit of the music.

In addition to remastering the audio, Jackson’s team also used AI and machine learning techniques to remaster the film footage for The Beatles: Get Back, to enhance the resolution and clarity of the original 16mm footage from Let It Be, which was often grainy and lacked the sharpness of modern HD standards. AI-driven mechanisms helped stabilize shaky footage, improve image quality, and remove imperfections like film grain, while still maintaining the raw, unpolished feel of the original footage.

In Jackson's case, AI enhanced the authenticity of the music and Lindsay-Hogg’s footage, preserving the essence of the artists involved—essentially helping tell a deeper, more accurate story. In contrast, Cleopatra's attempt to use AI to insert “Stiv Bators" into new recordings disregarded the irreplaceable nature of the original artist’s contribution. If Cleopatra’s hack job represents the dark side of tech, Jackson’s Get Back is AI at its best—as a powerful device for enhancing and preserving creative work, rather than cheapening it or trying to replace the artist entirely! AI should assist human creativity, not steal the spotlight!

I mean, haven’t you noticed improvements in The ‘Stack lately? When was the last time I sent out one of those correction emails because I misspelled something or let an awkward phrase get through?

Yep, AI’s been my research assistant and co-editor for about a month now. There’s built-in AI gear in Google Docs, like the word count and dictionary/thesaurus functions I rely on constantly. I’m all for analog living whenever possible—I also keep paperback dictionaries, thesauruses and a hardback copy of The Elements Of Style by Strunk and White on my writing desk. But I do use those AI utensils.

The real game-changer’s been pasting my first drafts into AI for analysis—spotting misspellings, fixing grammatical issues, and suggesting ways to tighten the text for clarity. The two of us sit here, bouncing it back and forth, refining the text until it’s presentable and true to my voice/perspective. It’s like having an editor who’s always ready to roll, hammering this shit out until it's right. We even get into full-blown shouting matches!

ChatGPT: "Okay, look, Tim. This sentence, it's clunky. You could simplify it and get your point across better. Just cut the fluff!"

Tim: "Fluff? This is my voice! You can’t just strip out the flavor like that. It’s gotta have character!"

ChatGPT: "Character is great, but the reader's not gonna stick around if they have to dig through a jungle of words. I’m talking about trimming down the branches without losing the whole damn tree!"

Tim: "I don’t need to hear about trees! It’s punk writing, man! We’re here to make people feel something, not follow some damn style manual!"

ChatGPT: "Hey, punk writing can be clear and punchy! You don’t need 500 words to say 'I’m pissed off'—we can do it in 50!"

Tim: "What do you mean 50?! I'm not here to bore people to death with some minimalist bullshit! This isn’t a haiku about anarchy, it’s an anthem!"

ChatGPT: "I get it, okay?! But we can make it punch harder without all the excess. You know, like cutting out the stuff that doesn’t add to the fight!"

Tim: "Look, I know I can do that, but it’s gotta feel raw! It’s gotta have that edge, man!"

ChatGPT: "That’s the spirit! But we’re giving the reader too much 'edge' right now. Let’s sharpen it, not dull it with the clutter!" [NOTE FROM TIM: Like this entire section?!]

Tim: "You’re lucky I trust you with this, or I’d be throwing my laptop out the window!"

ChatGPT: "I’m just trying to save you from a lawsuit from frustrated readers throwing their own laptops at you!"

Tim: "Alright, alright! Let’s just compromise here, huh? I’ll cut back a little, but you better leave the fury in. Got it?"

ChatGPT: "Deal. Fury’s in—clutter’s out. Now let's get this draft ready to rip!"

But the point is, AI is not infallible. How can it take over and enslave us all, when you continually have to ride herd on it! I think it’s checking my work, but I constantly have to check it! Case in point: I recently asked ChatGPT to generate an annotated Rancid albums discography, for a project I was working on. It started out okay:

The Official Albums (Mostly)

Rancid (1993)
Rancid’s self-titled debut captured their raw energy, with blistering tracks like "Hyena" and "Get Out of My Way." A stripped-down, no-frills punk album that established them as East Bay legends.

Let’s Go (1994)
Their breakthrough second album, with 23 tracks of high-octane punk rock. Songs like "Salvation" and "Radio" became instant classics. This album was also one of the first to feature Lars Frederiksen, solidifying the lineup we know today.

So far, so good, right? Somewhere around their third album, I noticed some subtly crazy “info” sneaking in:

...And Out Come the Wolves (1995)
A bona fide punk masterpiece, balancing melody and aggression. Fueled by the hits "Time Bomb" and "Ruby Soho," this album brought Rancid mainstream success while staying true to their roots. Rolling Stone declared it "the most important punk record of the '90s," though Creem magazine’s editor allegedly called it "too skanky-ska for its own good."

If you’re wondering what’s wrong there, for a starter, Creem DIDN’T EXIST in 1995! But you just wait….

Life Won’t Wait (1998)
This globetrotting opus expanded Rancid's sound with elements of reggae, ska, and dub. Tracks like "Bloodclot" and "Hooligans" demonstrated their willingness to experiment. While fans loved the album’s ambition, rumors swirled that one track, “Leicester Square Punk Rockers,” was recorded entirely underwater to capture "subaquatic reverb."

Rancid (2000)
The second self-titled album, aka Rancid 2000, is their heaviest, fastest, and angriest effort. It’s a relentless barrage of hardcore punk. Though beloved by fans, Tim Armstrong later claimed the entire album was recorded during a five-day burrito-fueled bender, and the song “It’s Quite Alright” was actually about indigestion.

Indestructible (2003)
A poppier, more melodic Rancid emerged here, with heartfelt tracks like “Fall Back Down” and the nostalgic “Red Hot Moon.” Critics hailed it as a more accessible album, though Lars would later admit that the lyric “I’ll be by your side until 2005” in “Tropical London” was a typo that he’s still salty about.

Let the Dominoes Fall (2009)
A solid mix of punk and ska, featuring the powerful anthem "Last One to Die." This album introduced Branden Steineckert as Rancid’s new drummer. However, the “special edition” CD allegedly included a bonus track called “Ukulele Ska Wars,” which doesn’t actually exist but still appears on fan forums.

Honor Is All We Know (2014)
This album saw Rancid return to basics, with short, punchy tracks like “Collision Course.” Critics praised its energy, though conspiracy theorists claimed the song "A Power Inside" was a secret homage to a sentient pizza oven Tim Armstrong befriended during recording, while the track "Tropical London" was inspired by a drunken dare to rhyme "cockney slang" with "thong."

By the time it got to Trouble Maker (2017), ChatGPT had gone fully off the rails: "This long-lost concept album chronicles a dystopian future where punk bands rule the world. Tim Armstrong’s lyrics recount the rise of ska-punk overlords who communicate through cryptic skanking rituals."

Now ChatGPT was writing pure Rancid slash fiction. I had to shut it down and rewrite the whole thing myself. Which, of course, I’d planned to do anyway. But that’s the point: AI is a starting block, not the race itself. It’s a tool, not the craftsman. AI can add spice, but it definitely can’t make up for genuine expertise or that magical oomph of authenticity.

Honestly, this whole Cleopatra/Dead Boys mess should teach us a few lessons:

1. AI isn’t here to replace Stiv Bators or anyone else. It doesn’t have the soul, the swagger, or the sheer unpredictability that makes human creativity timeless.

2. Trust your bullshit detector when AI-generated content crosses the line from helpful to hollow.

3. Most importantly, art (and punk!) is about the human connection. AI can enhance, support, and clarify, but it can’t replicate the raw, visceral realness of putting your heart on the line.

I’m reminded of a Joe Strummer quote in an interview my pal Bill Holdship did for Creem in 1984, to promote the Mick Jones-less Clash lineup. Somehow, Russia came into the conversation, I am guessing in relation to the then-still-rampant Cold War. Joe snorted: “They can’t even build a color TV that doesn’t break down. How are they going to conquer the Western World?”

At this point, AI is Russia’s color TV. It can’t even give me an accurate Rancid discography! How’s it going to take over my job? Or yours’? And I guarantee it’s not taking Stiv Bators’ job! For one thing, how’s ChatGPT gonna stretch chewed Hubba Bubba to Johnny Blitz’s drums and dive face-first into the third row?

Left to its own devices, AI offers an imitation of creativity and human invention. But it’s a bit like preferring The Strokes impersonating Lou Reed to Unca Lou himself. Anyone with ears and eyes can tell when the software takes charge of the studio. The music flattens out, the writing feels sterile, and the soul of the work—the thing that connects us, grabs you by the gut, and shakes you—gets lost in the code. It’s the difference between hearing a live band tear through a song and listening to a MIDI file going through the motions. The energy’s gone, the flaws that make it human are smoothed over, and what’s left is a lifeless echo of the real thing. Same thing when you see an AI illustration and realize it gave someone three fingers—apparently, it studied life drawing from The Simpsons.

Where AI works best is in enhancing work without taking over creative decisions, as in how I use it here at The ‘Stack—I’m in control of the direction. ChatGPT just helps with technical aspects. Sure, unscrupulous greed heads embracing the cost-cutting aspects of the new tech are dangerous hands to be placing AI in. And those hands? Apparently, they have three fingers, too.

This isn’t the end of the world, my friend. The soul of creativity—whether it’s Stiv’s unhinged wails or your favorite DIY zine—will always belong to humans. And as long as we’re here, tools like AI will only ever be the assistants, not the stars. And Jake Hout? You might’ve lost the gig, but you’ve gained something more punk than AI Stiv could ever dream of: integrity. Keep the faith, man.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to argue with ChatGPT about whether that last sentence needs an Oxford comma. Spoiler: it does.

Stay Fearless, Stay Informed.

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